There is a trap that many of us fall into because for the most part girls are socialized to be sweet, accommodating, passive, well-mannered etc. When we grow up and get into relationships, many of us don’t really know what to do in response to disrespect.

It’s a little like we’re frozen. Shocked. Disappointed. Now What? Well, there is a % of women who will not put up with any form of disrespect in their relationships. One incident and they bail. Probably a good idea.

But then there is the rest of us – who either get temporarily outraged or upset, but like a bitter pill – we swallow it and move on. This is NOT a good idea.
No matter how many partners you may meet in your lifetime, there should always be at least one requirement – that you are treated with respect from day one until the end.

Look for areas of respect when…

1. You are intimate. He should respect your likes and dislikes.

2.You are talking to each other. He shouldn’t speak to you like an angry dad or like you’re an idiot.

3. You are arguing. Even in the heat of battle, you shouldn’t be disrespected. If it gets that heated – someone should walk away.

4. He is around your friends and family. If he doesn’t treat your friends/family with respect, then he doesn’t respect you. They are an extension of you.

5. You are ending it. Even if the relationship is over and there are hurt feelings – he should have enough respect for what you did share to end it or accept the end with class.

Quick Tip: You teach others the amount of respect they will pay you. Even your worst enemy will respect you if you demand it. Demand what you are worth everyday.

World over in February young couples celebrate Valentines Day with laughter and promises of undying love. The celebration knows no barriers and whether 4 or 80 years old, people with hope treasure the phrase “Will you be my Valentine.”

Mid- Feb heralded in ancient Rome, the coming of spring and even in pre-Christian times people celebrated a “fertility” festival with great joy. Much later the festival celebrated on Feb 14th was in honor of St. Valentine who is believed to have signed a letter to his beloved on his death bed as “from your Valentine.”

Red hearts, beautifully wrapped chocolates, balloon bouquets, and so on flood the markets and most young men are in a quandary as to what will make a “memorable gift.”

Here are a few ideas to set your creativity rolling:

1. Abandon all ideas of dinner in a crowded restaurant where couples will be jostling for space. Plan a special “time for two” either on a patio over looking a garden or on a boat sailing down a moonlit river or sea. Choose to pack a picnic basket with foods that triggers off memories. For example perhaps the two of you had enjoyed chocolate donuts one day, or a pizza with toppings both love, or a cookie specially baked by you. Take along music or compose a song to sing to her. Serenade her like knights used to on bent knee.

2. If you have gathered many pictures or video clips of your time together then put together an album with specially written captions and a witty heading. You could even say “this gamine grimace enchanted me,” be original and let your imagination and sense of humor take wing.

3. If you are going to be away on Valentines Day meet online for a special chat. Make it a cyber date—the World Wide Web will close up the distances.

4. Avoid the run of the mill activities and plan to go to an amusement park or fair. Have a rollicking time on the roller coaster.

5. If you know of a movie she has been dying to see –get it and plan an evening enjoying the film.

6. If she loves gizmos get her a digital camera or video phone.

7. Don your apron and chef’s hat and cook a special meal.

8. Pamper her by gifting her a session at a spa she loves.

9. Plan a weekend get-away and take her somewhere special.

10. Pot a special plant for her. One that will grow and bloom along with your relationship.

Valentines Day is special so consider something unique. Most people will not have the spirit of adventure in them and try something different. They feel safer going with the crowd and presenting their love with cards, red balloons, hearts cut out of red paper or fabric, Godiva’s chocolates, or a dinner in a favorite restaurant. Dare to be different and you will be remembered.

Relationships generally begin when both people are in the “Alone Stage,” although I am aware that often affairs begin when one or both partners are involved with someone else. It is my contention that relationships have a greater chance of success when both parties have spent some time alone and unconnected with a lover.

What does a person do with this time alone? If you are interested in creating the relationship you deserve, then you must become the best person you can be. Each successive relationship we engage in provides us with lessons and information we need to reflect upon. If we are attracting the “wrong” people into our lives, then perhaps it is because we are not the person we need to be in order to create a relationship with the person of our dreams.

This also means that each “wrong” person we attract into our lives is exactly the right person we need to teach us the lesson we need to get to move closer to the person we truly want. This is why I never look back at any relationships I have had with regret. Maybe not in the moment, but over time, I have come to understand that I learned valuable lessons in each of my past relationships and I grew, which then helped me become a better person.

Whenever we find ourselves in between relationships, it is not a time to longingly wish for the next partner to arrive. It is not the time to go out “prowling” for the next person to make you complete. The time between relationships is a very important healing time. It is a time to look back on the past relationship to discover what that person was there to teach you about life, love and yourself. It’s a time of introspection to determine who you want to be in a relationship. I’m not talking about playing roles but I am talking about a genuine transformation of yourself into the person who deserves the relationship you seek.

No one dreams their entire life about meeting a mediocre partner—someone who thinks of them sometimes, who loves them a little and takes care of some of their needs. No one looks to get involved in relationships with people who lie, cheat and disrespect them. No one asks for verbal or physical abuse in a relationship. So how can we break the pattern of choosing the same type of person over and over again? I believe the key is to look at each relationship as the perfect relationship you needed at that point in time and then go about attempting to figure out what it was about the person that made him or her perfect for you during that period in your life.

Once you figure this out, you will have learned a valuable lesson. If you take that lesson and put it to use in your life, then you have one half of the equation.

The other half is about preparing yourself to be the kind of person who will attract the relationship of your dreams. If you are seeking a person to be loyal and to stand by you no matter what, then ask yourself the difficult question of whether or not you have those same traits and characteristics you seek. If there is something in your character that has caused you to be disloyal, then do some introspection to learn what you need to heal in order to become the person you truly want to be.

Relationships only act as a mirror, showing us those things about ourselves we don’t want to see. When we welcome the information and seek to learn from it, doing so will move us closer in the direction of becoming who we want to be.

It also helps during this alone time to take an inventory of the traits, qualities and characteristics we want in our “perfect mate.” It is far more likely that we will attract the person we want when we become crystal clear about exactly what we are looking for. My list included having someone to love me for who I am, not in spite of who I am. I wanted a partner with loyalty, integrity, honesty, good looks, intelligence, a sense of humor, romance and availability (not involved with someone else). I wanted a man who was strong but gentle, decisive but sensitive and confident without being conceited. I wanted someone with whom I shared common interests and someone who didn’t feel the need to control me or compete with me. Guess what? After I was clear about what I was looking for, the “perfect” person for me walked into my life.

Another thing I find extremely helpful during the “Along Stage” is to remember that you are perfect just the way you are. You are totally complete without a significant person to share your life. So often, in the Along Stage, we are focusing on our lack, instead of our abundance. We look at the one thing we don’t have, a romance, and waste the time we have been given feeling sorry for ourselves instead of putting the gift of time to use for the betterment of mankind in our own unique way.

In conclusion I say, first allow yourself alone time. Don’t be in such a hurry to jump into the next relationship before processing the last one. Take time to analyze the lesson in your past relationship(s). Use the alone time to search introspectively to assess whether or not you are the person you need to be to allow the person you seek to come into your life. And finally, focus not on your lack of relationship, but rather on what you can do to help others during this time.

Used wisely, your alone time can truly make an incredible difference in the way you experience your next relationship. Don’t short change yourself. Maximize and leverage the time you have been given between relationships. It is truly a gift.